Thursday, October 21, 2010


Letting Go.

When I was in my second year of university, dad gifted me a very nice, sleek-looking laptop. It was my very own, unlike my other gadgets that were usually used ones, handed down from my brother. I loved it like anything. It was my life, a world where I would spend hours storing photos, editing them, developing artworks, doing my homeworks, browsing the internet and listening to music from. My life was in a digital thin box.

Until i was mugged. A group of people banged my car window, and took my laptop with force. My life suddenly disappeared. My memories were gone. And my artworks, my assignments, my music database. Gone. I didn’t have a pen drive at that time, neither did I have an external hard disk. My life didn’t have any back-up.

It took me a while. But I learned. To let go. That anything I have lost, is not lost in value. Photos can rejuvenate long gone memories, but without them, I am forced to appreciate each memories in my head and in my heart. And perhaps that increases the value.

And I learned that life needs a back-up plan. To be prepared for anything unexpected, to be ready to fall deep or jump high.

Photos mean a lot to me, but I can always take new ones. Although nothing can replace the gone, I must learn to let go to enjoy the present and embrace the future.

Moving Forward.

And so I graduated. And I had a new laptop after all. I took extra care of it this time, ensuring that I do not fall into the same hole again. With my laptop, I made a lot of CVs. I used it to browse job vacancies, conduct research on company backgrounds, email them my interest, until accepting my first job offer.

My laptop accompanied me in achieving so many things in life. It took me to my first job as a market researcher, and it even took me to become a blogger. My laptop supported my 2 worlds, and I think it was happy to see me getting out the best from both. During the day, I would be browsing business news and developing charts. In the night, I would be doing a fashion post and uploading photos of my day.

Until I realized that I got carried away. With the common perception. With the sexiness of having 2 worlds. I was always afraid to admit that I love fashion, stuck in the thought that I would look smarter if I was drowned in statistical figures and chart readings. I was afraid that fashion would hurt my academical achievements and degrees, that I would appear from smart to less smart. Being and looking smart was something. And it got me wrong.

It took me a while. But I learned. To let go of unjustified perceptions, and to acknowledge the word ‘passion’. What was I doing? It has been there all the time, but it took me years to realize that ‘doing business’ is my passion. Business in the creative industry. I have been feeding my pride and people’s expectations, that success is defined by having a great career in a multinational company. But was that really it? Is it even correct?

I learned that feeding expectation is the mother of frustration. We are who we are. And there is nothing to prove to anyone.

Success means a lot to me. And for me, success is that stage of having no regrets when I die, because I know I was not wasting time with my life. That I had done what I loved, and that being happy for doing what I love has made other people happy as well.

Dear laptop,

I have learned both to let go, and to move on. And after months of thinking, I decided that it’s time for me to let go of what I had and what it had to offer, and move forward on exploring my passion. I resigned. I finally gained the courage to let go of my career, and take a new, big step towards being genuinely happy. I love fashion, and I will accept that fact wholeheartedly. I reject any perception that says office workers in suits are smarter than those doing business in t-shirts. Both are equally smart, as long as they rock their worlds respectively. Starting now, I am no longer an employee, but an entrepreneur in the fashion sphere. Wish me luck.